I got called into the office of my new employer for a 'meeting'. One thing that I have always suspected about office workers is that they secretly love meetings. Oh, they might moan about in the pub ("What did you get up to today?" - "Bloody meetings all day!") but secretly, I suspect they love it, I mean it's not real work is it? If I had to go to meetings, I always thought, I would spend an hour or two daydreaming and then read the minutes later to find out if I'd missed anything important.
Well, this week I had my first meeting. The first item on the agenda was how often we should have these meetings (more evidence for my theory) but most of the rest could be summed up in a single sentence: okay, kid, you've had your fun.
Basically, when I joined up, I had free rein to write about what I wanted because they had to get these blogs ghostwritten and posted up and they had been short a blogger for a few weeks. Now they are back up to a full complement of staff and have written plans for what they want written for each company for the next few months.
It makes it easier, obviously and I am in it for the money, so the quicker I can bang them out the better. But where, before, I might draft a mini essay on the philosophical puzzle of inverted qualia for a local printing firm, now I am expected to hack out sub-buzzfeedesque listicles with titles like '5 reasons why the business card is a practical advertising tool for your company'.
Anyway here are a few of my favourites that slipped through the system before I got called in:
The four-colour theorem
Norwich newspaper rivalries of the 18th Century
A short history of the Crystal Palace
The Torso Belvedere (and gnomes)
A short history of pantiles