Christina Aguilera and I are about the same age (she’s actually like six weeks older than me). Fascinatingly, we both also have a four octave vocal range… only kidding… in reality, the similarities end at the age thing.
Despite our similar ages, our paths hadn’t crossed. She never invites me to her birthday parties - so I don’t invite her to my traditional birthday curry night at Spice Paradise (meeting at the King’s Head at 7 for food at 8 if you’re free, Christina) either. Maybe because Christina’s birthday is so close to Christmas is the reason that she hates Christmas so much?
My evidence for Christina Aguilera’s hatred of Christmas is the worst Christmas album I’ve suffered through in all my research for this festive countdown. My Kind of Christmas was released in 2000. An album so keen to put that four octave vocal range to the test that the producers decided to make every syllable 17 notes long. Even a duet with Dr John can’t save it.
My Kind of Christmas’ only redeeming feature is a bizarre interlude - Xtina's Xmas - that sounds like it was produced by a Sixth Former who, whilst doing work experience at a studio had stumbled across the record company executive’s stash of Colombian talcum powder and then been let loose at the mixing desk.
Maybe My Kind of Christmas is your kind of Christmas. But after listening to that, I needed a good blast of a track that just weeps Christmas spirit from its pores...
Number 5: Gaudete by Steeleye Span
In the house I grew up in, Steeleye Span used to play whilst the children opened their stockings on Christmas morning. But if ever a song was recorded to be played during the lighting and presentation of the Christmas Pudding, surely this is it?
(For my international readers: the traditional British Christmas Pudding is made of dried fruit, nuts, spices and kidney fat soaked in brandy for four weeks, then dressed with a sprig of holly, doused in more brandy and set on fire.)
Gaudete! Gaudete! Christus est natus!
Ex Maria virgine! Gaudete!
[Rejoice all! Rejoice all! Christ is born!
Outside of the virgin Mary! Rejoice all!]
(trans. author’s own)
Feel free to share with me your favourite latin Christmas songs. Drop them in the comments here or on Facebook.
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