I'm frequently distracted by the live feeds of unending crises. Since my last post here, we've had a Conservative election landslide, Brexit, global pandemic, war in Europe... and Liz Truss voted Prime Minister by a proportion of the electorate so small that I booked an appointment to get my eyesight checked at a local opticians' clinic just so I could see it. Turns out three years sat in a darkened room doomscrolling has left me a little myopic.
An in-built desire to please/win makes me a terrible subject for eyetests. Five years ago, I went to a popular highstreet chain (that I'll just call GoggleGrafters). The optician conducting the tests did my good eye first. When he came to measure the problem eye, I remembered the sequence of letters and reeled them off perfectly.
This time I went to a friendly local independent clinic, the kind of place where they still make you a cup of tea while you're waiting to see the specialist, but also insist on you wearing a face mask so you're sort of left carrying a cup of tea around as the entropy in the room slowly increases. This optician had clearly met my type before - she did my bad eye first so I couldn't cheat.
One aspect of the examination not offered at GoggleGrafters (but thoughtfully included at my more recent test) was an explanation of my macular degeneration.
"Those bumps you can see on the right eye display are sun damage."
At some point in my childhood, I'd chosen to look at the sun and permanently damaged one of my eyes. I have no memory of this, but staring at the sun sounds like the sort of thing childhood me would have been sufficiently sensible and risk averse to attempt with just the one eye.
Once the lens strength appropriate for a solar-induced maculo-retinal deterioration had been determined, I was invited to inspect a selection of frames.
"What did you have in mind?"
I asked if they had something like the pair that Noam Chomsky wore for his 1971 debate on human nature with Michel Foucault.
"What were you looking to spend?"
All that doomscrolling has left me with the distinct impression that there's a cost of living crisis on, so I hesitantly scribbled a suitably conservative (small-c) figure on a piece of paper.
"Ah... Perhaps you should have gone to GoggleGrafters?"
Header Photo by David Travis on Unsplash
